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Don't kill Bill!

Entry 352 posted in: 7. Star Trek - The Original Sucker

Mr. William Shatner is angry, so tells me my local newspaper. The reason is fairly simple. A new Star Trek movie is in the make and the actor who is going to play James Tiberius Kirk is not his royal wigginess but a guy called Chris Pine, a young actor who looks like an underwear commercial model.

You can't deny that William Shatner is an old man, he must be around one hundred and three right now, and so we can't expect him to play the role of young Kirk, can we? And that is what this new movie, aptly called Star Trek, is apparently about: the adventures of young Kirk in Trekkieland.

If I may believe the reliable source also known as the Internet this prequel drags around a few characters such as Christopher Pike (tetraplegic after a delta radiation incident), Captain Garrovick (killed by an attack of the dikironium cloud creature) and George Samuel Kirk, James's brother (killed by an attack of the Beta Portolan neural parasite). (Deduct the before mentioned captain Garrovick will'ya, nobody found a way to write him into the script.)

Rumours go that in the movie old Spock (Leonard Nimoy) and young Spock (Zachary Quinto, a young actor who looks like an underwear commercial model) team up. They have to prevent that young Kirk from the past will be killed by some evil Romulans from the future. Thus keeping the timeline intact were geriatric Kirk (William Shatner), now 138 years old, dies on the planet Veridian III in order to save the entire universe, an event that all Trekkies remember as being thoroughly sad and slightly overacted.

So basically this is just an average time travel story, one of those science fiction plots invented by authors who have got no inspiration left. We've already had our share of time travelling movies in the past. In Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Kirk and company travel to 1986 to save some whales. If you are not interested in Trek history: don't bother to ask. Star Trek Generations puts Kirk away in a timeless zone, a bit like an airport terminal, so that he can meet his prolific successor, Jean Luc Picard, in the future. And in movie number 8, First Contact, the next generation crew takes the time travel express to 2063 in order to save young Zefrane Cochram from the evil Borg queen.

Recycling is such a beautiful thing. For the past and for the future. But please let us not forget the elderly. Give them a home, a place to stay, an enterprise to believe in...


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