Entry 363 posted in: 6. Self-Made Monsters
Douglas Adams once wrote a column, not one of his best - I might add, about New Year's resolutions but I won't go further in that. You might otherwise think that I am one of those I am your biggest fan guys that stick knives in author's overfed bellies just because they destroyed all parallel instances of planet earth. See also: Stephen King.
But there is one thing we both agree on and that is that New Year's resolutions can and may easily be forgotten starting from January the second. So why does one want to make these lists anyway? My LA-girl, may her soul rest in peace but as she is, last time I checked anyway, still among the living she will carry on harassing me, had this splendid idea a few silvesters ago. Before this would end in a tremendous row I sullenly agreed. I felt like the pimple-faced boy again who was obliged by a Spanish priest with Opus Dei roots to confess my sins in front of him. Before I could invent some minor catholic felonies he asked, no demanded, with tremor in his voice.
Do you masturbate!!!
This priest, who obviously found Franco a rather nice chap, was still wearing a frock so I couldn’t see if this question turned him on, yes or no, not that I was really interested in that matter to start with.
But we had a kind of linguistic matter here. As I had no clue what the priest was talking about I said no and could leave with a few prayers just to be on the safe side. The first thing I did after I was released from the priest's claws was asking my group leader what that particular word meant. "Jerking off.", he replied. Now here was a word I did understand. This was the same bloke who would later introduce me to Pink Floyd's underrated Obscured By Clouds. That album really was the trigger that started a life long obsession for that particular band. Good man.
This was also the first and very last time in my life that a priest actually thought me something I didn't already know.
Anyway, to get back to the subject, instead of making up some minor New Year's resolutions my LA-girl found it more appropriate to do a list for me. It took her ages and pages and it was all relatively overzealous as well. I only had one New Year's resolution for her and that was to stop making those lists to begin with.
But this year I'll make an exception and here it is. Somewhere next year, well it's already THIS year, isn't it?, this blog will move to its own domain and it will be called: atagong.com.
That's all folks, have a nice day, 2008 promises to be as shitty as all other years.
If you liked this post - you might be interested in this one as well: Tourette's Planet (18+)